you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
