The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
