I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
