Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
