I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
