i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Dignity is for republicans.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
