if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
