i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
