he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
