P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
