Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Can I color on your dick again?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
