wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
