I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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