When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
