We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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