dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
