Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
