Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
