well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize