I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
