Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
