he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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