I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
