Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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