$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
