he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
