You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
