dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
