So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
