He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
