Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
If I die, sorry about rent.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
