I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just had sex on a roof
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
