what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
