I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
