Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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