my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
