# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
