Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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