So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
