He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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