If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
