so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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