Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
