Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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