fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
