Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
