Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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