You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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