so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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