All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
