when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
