So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
