let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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