this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
