You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
