You're completely useless in the revolution.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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