I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
