I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
