I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
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It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
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So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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