Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
do nipples grow back?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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