yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
