I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
