How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
