No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
where are my eyebrows?
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