you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
