Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
