Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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