I met the friendliest cop last night
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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