I cut my penus on the lid.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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