If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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