you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
