so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
