Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
