I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
