I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Randomize
