You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
