Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
