We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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