Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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