so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
