can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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