someone get that fucking seahorse.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
